What Are Pronouns, and Why Do They Matter?

Pronouns are the small words we use in place of a person’s name: she, he, they. Most of us say them all day without a second thought. For many trans and gender diverse people, hearing the right ones is part of being seen for who they are.

What are personal pronouns?

A personal pronoun stands in for a specific person’s name. In English, the pronouns we use about someone else usually carry a gender: he for a man or boy, she for a woman or girl.

Those links are not accurate for everyone. A person’s pronouns are the words that fit who they are, and you cannot know them from a name, a voice or an appearance.

“Personal” does not mean private. It means the pronoun refers to one particular person, in the same way a name does.

Pronouns you might hear

The only way to know someone’s pronouns is to hear them from that person. These are some you may come across.

Pronouns	In a sentence
she / her	Mei is running late. She asked us to start without her.
he / him	Sam left his umbrella here. Can you take it to him?
they / them	Alex starts on Monday. They are new, so please show them around.
ze / hir	Jo sent the report. Ze finished it this morning, and the ideas are hirs.
Name only	Kai sent the report. Kai finished it this morning.

Some people use more than one set, such as she/they, which usually means either is fine. Others use pronouns not shown here, such as xe/xem. If you are unsure how to use someone’s pronouns, ask them.

Singular they has been part of English for centuries. APA Style, the American Psychological Association’s writing standard, endorses it and says to always use the pronouns a person uses for themselves. It takes a plural verb: “they are”, not “they is”.

Why pronouns matter

Using someone’s pronouns is a basic form of respect, like using their name. If a colleague introduces herself as Catherine, you would not keep calling her Cathy after she asked you not to. Pronouns work the same way.

We often guess pronouns from how a person looks or sounds, and those guesses are sometimes wrong. Even a correct guess reinforces the idea that people must look a certain way for their gender to be believed.

Using the wrong pronouns for someone is called misgendering. An honest slip is easy to repair. Refusing to use a person’s pronouns once you know them is different: it tells them that who they are is up for debate.

What the research shows

This section mentions suicide. Support numbers are at the end of this post.

Respect for a person’s name and pronouns is linked with better wellbeing in the research available so far.

The Australian Psychological Society (APS) notes that trans and gender diverse people report greater psychological distress and are far more likely to experience suicidal thoughts. The APS is equally clear that gender diversity does not cause poor mental health. It points instead to stigma, discrimination and lack of acceptance, often called minority stress.

Three studies look at language directly:

• Australia, workplaces. A 2022 study of 453 trans employees used the 2020 Australian Workplace Equality Index Employee Survey. It found strong, positive associations between exposure to inclusive language at work and wellbeing.
• United States, pronouns. A 2025 research brief from The Trevor Project analysed responses from 12,174 transgender and nonbinary people aged 13 to 24. Fewer than half (46%) said a lot, most or all of the people in their lives respected their pronouns. In that group, 11% reported a suicide attempt in the past year, compared with 17% of the rest, and the link held after adjusting for age, sexual orientation, gender identity and race/ethnicity.
• United States, names. A 2018 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health drew on 129 transgender and gender nonconforming young people in three cities. Being able to use a chosen name in more settings was associated with lower depression, suicidal ideation and suicidal behaviour.

These studies show associations, not cause and effect, and two of the three are from the United States. They point the same way as the APS position statement of April 2026. It asks psychologists to ask for and correctly use each person’s name and pronouns, and calls this central to inclusive practice.

Sharing and asking

The easiest way to learn someone’s pronouns is to offer your own first. “Hi, I’m Priya, and I use she/her” signals that you will respect theirs.

The Victorian Government’s LGBTIQA+ inclusive language guide, written for public sector staff, suggests habits that work anywhere:

• Add your pronouns to your email signature or name badge, if you are comfortable doing so.
• If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, use their name or they until you can check with them privately. A simple “What pronouns do you use?” is enough.
• Keep sharing optional. Some people are not ready to share, and no one should feel pressured.
• Let the person guide who else knows. Someone may use different pronouns at home, school or work because it does not yet feel safe or comfortable to do otherwise.

If you get it wrong

A quick correction is all a slip needs. “She said, sorry, they said the meeting is at two” fixes it and keeps the conversation moving.

• Acknowledge the mistake briefly and use the right pronoun next time.
• Don’t dwell on it. A long apology shifts attention to you and can make the other person more uncomfortable.
• Practise, so it doesn’t keep happening. The Victorian guide notes that repeated mistakes signal a lack of respect, can be very distressing, and could amount to bullying or discrimination if they continue.
• If someone else misgenders a person, use the correct pronoun in your reply. The person may not be out to everyone, so follow their lead on how openly to correct others.

How we can help

Back On Track Psychology is a Melbourne clinic in Kew offering assessment and therapy for children, adolescents and adults. We are committed to inclusive, culturally responsive care, and we personalise sessions to your background, needs, narrative and values. Your name and pronouns are part of that.

You are welcome to tell us the name and pronouns you use when you book, or at any point in your care. To make an appointment, call 03 9021 9368, email admin@backontrackpsych.com or book online.

Urgent support. Back On Track Psychology does not have capacity to provide emergency services. If you need urgent support, call 000. Lifeline offers 24-hour crisis support on 13 11 14. QLife offers free, anonymous LGBTIQ+ peer support on 1800 184 527, 3pm to 9pm every day.

References and further reading

• Australian Psychological Society (2026). Supporting the mental health and wellbeing of transgender and gender diverse people: Position statement.
• Perales, F., Ablaza, C., & Elkin, N. (2022). Exposure to inclusive language and well-being at work among transgender employees in Australia, 2020. American Journal of Public Health, 112(3), 482–490. doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2021.306602
• The Trevor Project (2025). Pronoun usage and mental health impacts of pronoun respect in TGNB young people.
• Russell, S. T., Pollitt, A. M., Li, G., & Grossman, A. H. (2018). Chosen name use is linked to reduced depressive symptoms, suicidal ideation, and suicidal behavior among transgender youth. Journal of Adolescent Health, 63(4), 503–505. doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2018.02.003
• Victorian Government. LGBTIQA+ inclusive language guide.
• American Psychological Association. Singular “they”. APA Style.
• Pronouns.org, a free resource on what pronouns are, how to use them and how to handle mistakes.
• Support services: QLife and Lifeline.